My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun…

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“Dad?” came Taylor’s voice cutting through the silence of the kitchen.

Todd’s pulse was pounding. He looked up into the deep soulful eyes of daughter…and looked away – searching for Téa’s strength to get him through this.

Ba Boom. Ba Boom.

“Are you okay? Mom said you had a…concussion…does it hurt?” asked Taylor.

Todd turned back to his precious daughter amazed that after all of this, after learning a bit of the truth about him, she was first concerned about him, “No Taylor – it doesn’t hurt. Not like…” he couldn’t finish. There was an awkward silence in the room.

“We gotta’ hear it Dad. We gotta know…” Tyler’s voice echoed in his head.

Ba Boom. Ba Boom.

“Brady Buchanan is going to make sure these children hear it. It needs to come from you…”

“Yeah Dad, Tell us…” said Trevor, the judge among the children. The one whose opinion would guide what the others think.

Todd swallowed, gasping for a desperate breath. Her hand…he felt her hand on his arm trying desperately to give him the strength – the courage he need to face his children.

”It needs to come from you.”

Ba Boom. Ba Boom.

He shot out of his chair, upset, knowing all eyes were upon him – intently upon him – following him. Oh, this was going to be hard…

He swallowed. He looked at the ceiling then at the floor – pacing and then he abruptly stopped, found her eyes – full of determination, full of courage, full of love. He looked at his children – standing there in the kitchen doorway – not finding their eyes – he couldn’t look them in the eyes – it’s got to be off center – no eyes – for this.

“Do you know who Victor Lord and Irene Manning are?” he said trying to keep his voice calm. His pulse his pounding though.

Ba Boom. Ba Boom.

Trevor took a seat at the table next to his mother, “Sure Dad, you told us once. They’re your biological parents.” His voice was steady, waiting. Waiting to judge.

“But! Do you know “who” they were? What kind of people they were?” he insisted. Pacing. He was pacing again…

Taylor could feel her own heart as she watched her father. She could feel it begin to pound faster. And faster.

Ba Boom. Ba Boom.

Tyler just stood watching intently looking at everyone – everything but not his father’s eyes – avoiding his father’s eyes.

“No. Who were they Dad?” asked Trevor quietly.

“Irene was Viki’s best friend and Victor seduced her. Victor Lord raised your Aunt Viki. He abused her. He did unthinkable things to her. He was a bastard. And when Irene was pregnant with me – he made Irene give me away – and she gave me to Peter and Barbara Manning. Cousins. They were her cousins,” said Todd hoping his voice sounded calm and masked the beating of his heart.

Ba Boom. Ba Boom.

A tear rolled down Taylor’s cheek.

Tyler reached for his sister – grabbing her hand. Needing to touch her, to feel her strength.

“You never knew Victor and Irene right?” asked Trevor. The coldness of his voice was still there.

“No. Only knew Peter – and Barbara,” said Todd.

“Why are you telling us about them?” asked Tyler.

“Why?” asked Todd struggling with the question.

“That’s the answer Tyler. It’s the “Why” your father’s life took the turns it did…” said Téa speaking up wanting to help as much as she could.

“Peter…was just as much a bastard as Victor Lord,” said Todd trying so hard to keep his voice calm – reasonable.

“Dad?” asked Tyler.

“I never met – I – Do you know why I hate rice so much?” he asked looking at the twins – looking off center…no eyes…

“No,” said Tyler.

“I’ll tell you why – I was a boy and Peter – he I was in my PJ’s – I was a boy – about six – and I remember how he picked me up by my Pajama’s collar and he made me kneel in a pile of rice and he watched…” Oh God, he could feel his pulse pounding – his stomach…

Ba Boom. Ba Boom.

“Why did he do that to you Dad?” asked Taylor. Todd looked at his daughter. At her nose.

She was crying.

He realized tears were coming down his cheeks as well.

“I…I…don’t know why Taylor. Don’t know why…” said Todd taking a deep breath.

Tyler held her tight.

“What you’re saying Dad – Your father – the man you knew as your father – abused you?” said Trevor in a sad monotone voice.

Téa looked into her son’s eyes, “Yes, that’s what he’s saying. Your father was abused – by his father.”

Ba Boom. Ba Boom.

Todd continued pacing.

“Peter Manning - no – when I was nine my mother had enough. She left. I found her once. She sent me back – I became too…I thought poorly of women,” said Todd looking off center – so afraid to find their eyes.

He continued pacing, struggling to keep his voice calm, “There’s no excuse for what I did to Marty Saybrooke and Carol Swift. Rape. No excuse,” his voice shook as he paced.

“Dios…” whispered Tyler, clinging to Taylor.

Trevor just sat there. That’s right Dad, no excuse.

“Nora Buchanan was my attorney – I was convicted. And I was furious with her. I stalked her. Tried to hurt her. Bo stopped it,” said Todd. His voice betrayed the agony and pain he was feeling.

Ba Boom. Ba Boom.

Tyler swallowed. None of it made sense to him.

Todd paced, moving his hands anxiously threw his hair, breathing deeply. Calm down. Calm down.

Trevor hung his head letting the words seep in and digest. Internalizing the pain. Emotional – physical – it didn’t matter. Pain was Pain.

“That’s why the Buchanans don’t like you…It explains so much…Brady…” whispered Taylor through her own tears. If only he would look her in the eyes – she could tell him how much…she loved him.

“I went to Statesville. I did time. I got a pardon for saving Jessie’s, and CJ’s, and Sarah’s lives. And Marty’s life too. There was an accident with a bus. I got a pardon,” he could barely continue but he knew he had to.

He stopped pacing and wiped his brow.

Ba Boom. Ba Boom.
My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun…

He took a deep breath.

All eyes were upon him.

“And I met Blair Daimler. And we got married. Had Starr. Got divorced. Nothing left to tell,” he finished. Shaking. He was shaking.

It was silent. So very silent in the room. He stood before them. Scared, nervous, his soul lay bare before them…

Téa’s lips were trembling, as tears ran down her face. How she wanted to ease his pain – take him away to a place where he could be happy.

Trevor looked up – a single tear slid down his cheek. His heart ached to know of the abuse – pain after pain – he placed his hand gently over his mother’s hand.

The twins clung to each other. Taylor’s tears staining not only her face but her hands.

Tyler trembled. His whole body trembled. He held Taylor tight in his arms.

Ba Boom. Ba Boom.

Tyler was feeling a million emotions flowing through him, his body. Anger. Compassion. Understanding. Frustration. Hurt. Love. He could feel the blood rush to his face.

“I disgust you,” said Todd raising his hands, “I disgust myself!” he yelled. He ran to the kitchen door and opened it, pausing.

Téa stood up, “Todd!”

He looked at her and walked out.

“No!” yelled Tyler – his voice deep in pain, pulling himself away from Taylor, “No!”

He bolted through the kitchen and ran out the door finding his father standing next to the porch on the lawn – without hesitation he ran up to his father and wrapped his arms around Todd as he finally allowed his tears to flow down his own face, “Dios…Dios…” muttered Tyler holding his father tight, “I love you and it hurts to hear of the thing you’ve done but I know what I feel and I know I love you!”

Todd gasped for breath, shocked to hear his son’s endearing and unconditional words of love. Slowly he raised his arms, as if to embrace Tyler back but he hesitated as doubt flooded him all over again. He looked up, feeling eyes on him. Taylor’s eyes. He looked directly in Taylor’s eyes. She stood only a few inches from them.

“He loves you Dad. Like I do. Don’t be afraid to hug him. He’s not afraid to hug you. You don’t…disgust us. You never, ever did,” said Taylor. Her voice was strong and firm, “We love you.”

With her words he found the strength, courage and love he needed as he passionately wrapped his arms around Tyler, letting out a deep carthetic breath, allowing himself to bask in Tyler’s hug.

My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun…

TO BE CONTINUED…