As they drove off, the little pebbles Todd had thrown into the water broke free from some wayward brush and floated away, free.

************************************************************************************************************

“Taylor?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m worried. About Mom.”

“She’ll be okay, Ty. Dad will bring Trev home. He’ll make everything right. Just you wait and see…”

“You promise, Tail? You sure?”

“I promise.”

Taylor Manning uncomfortably paced her family’s living room. Tyler, her twin brother, stood looking out the big bay window, his foot resting on the radiator. Waiting. Waiting for his father to return with his older brother. His bangs hung over his eyebrows, but he was too drained to move them.

Taylor let out a breath as she paced. Truth be told, she was worried. Worried that her father had torn them all apart with his painful admission of his sinful past. And couldn’t admit that to Tyler. He needed her strength right now. Her confidence. Her hope.

After her father left to go find her brother, she had watched her mother’s body tremble at the kitchen table. Taylor didn’t know what to do. She took a step forward to comfort her mother but her mother stood up and held up her hand – sniffling back welcome tears. Her hand seemed to say, don’t come closer, I couldn’t bare it. Taylor stopped.

Tyler watched the entire incident from the doorway. While he loved his mother, they weren’t as close as he wanted them to be and felt helpless to ease his mother’s obvious pain. He wished he could offer something, talk. He kicked at the door frustrated. Taylor could feel her mother’s pain and the tears began to flow once again.

”Mom, where are you going?”

“I’ll be all right, Taylor. I will. I just need to be by myself. Can you understand that?”

“Sure, Mom…”

Taylor turned her head and looked away as her mother walked out of the room. She didn’t really understand why her mother wanted to be alone. She wanted to hug her mother but she felt that her mother didn’t want that just right now. Taylor desired her mother’s comfort because she was hurting too. Taylor understood just how deeply Trevor had hurt her mother. She understood. She was a carrier too – just like her mother.

“Tail?”

“Yeah?” She stopped pacing at looking at her brother. His face a mask to the turmoil he felt inside.

“Dad just pulled in. Trevor’s with him,” he looked at his sister. Taylor saw her brother’s face – full of hope.

“Good,” she simply said.

“You were right. Dad will make everything right. He will…” whispered Tyler more to himself than to Taylor. He wiped his nose his hand, “I just know he will.”

************************************************************************************************************

Téa stood at the window in her study. Stuffy. It was stuffy with the door closed and the window shut. Her tears had been all cried out and she stood there, raw and drained.

She looked at her desk and sought out a picture. A picture of her husband, of Todd. The picture was old and taken on their second wedding day. He was in a tux and she was in her wedding gown. They were side by side, facing each other, his arm around her waist, and she was holding a bouquet. And he was smiling. His smiles during that time were rare and to capture a Todd Manning smile on film that was amazing. She had always treasured that picture because of that rare and wonderful smile.

The wedding that was “for real.” Unlike their first wedding. Cold and impersonal. Todd didn’t love her then. Didn’t even kiss her that day.

She didn’t love him either but they were friends and she told him things she’d never told others. To her surprise, considering his usually caustic attitude, his isolation, he didn’t demean her or make fun of her or ridicule her – no, he accepted her for the person she was, warts and all. They grew closer when she cemented custody of Starr and they became a “family.” Late night chats. The Bayberry. It was so hard for him back then but he listened to her. He looked at her. She was incredibly hurt that winter night when she was bared her body to him and he threw her out. But he kept reaching out – he kept trying. And when he first kissed her on those penthouse steps, she knew he was the one. That kiss! Gentle, kind, tender. Full of the deep emotion he had for her.

Still, it wouldn’t be easy. After accepting his “for real” proposal, Georgie Phillips was murdered, instigating Todd’s DID. But, he got counseling. They got counseling and when it felt right, they married “for real.” In every kiss – she felt his love. She understood. She accepted him as he accepted her. For better, for worse this man was her soulmate.

She reached out to touch her wedding picture, lightly running her fingers on the frame. She let out a breath. And looked at the picture next to it. Her oldest son, Trevor. It was a picture of her and Trevor dressed up for Halloween. Trevor was 18 months. It was the Halloween before Todd came back into their lives. She signed.

Two months into her “for real” marriage, she was kidnapped. She was missing for a week – torn apart from her soulmate in an almost brutal fashion. Del rescued her but the separation had done its damage. When she returned from her horrible ordeal, Todd had disappeared – nowhere to be found. And she was pregnant. Viki was great. So was Carlotta, and Sam, and Roseanne. They got her through her pregnancy. And the pregnancy wasn’t easy on her.

“Oh Trevor…” she whispered, fighting back more tears.

Téa delivered early and named her new son, Trevor. She wanted her son to have a “T” name, and she couldn’t bear to name him “Todd” – that would have been too painful a reminder of her missing soulmate. However, shortly after bringing home her treasured son, her gift - that little piece of Todd that would always be in her life, she discovered bruises on his body. Bruises she knew she didn’t give him. She adored Todd’s gift and would never harm something so precious. Six weeks after Trevor was born the doctors confirmed he had hemophilia and confirmed that she was a carrier. The person who unwittingly gave it to him. It was the first time she’d heard of the word.

And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

Hemophilia involves blood. And bleeding. Bleeding that won’t stop. Those first twenty months without Todd broke her heart. She sat crying over her infant son’s bed many nights, willing him to live and disgusted with herself for giving an innocent child such a painful disease. For the longest time, she thought Trevor would be all she had of Todd. And when she saw her soulmate on the chilly December night in their church, she knew her family would be complete, happy, and whole once again.

Over the years, Todd was there to support her as they dealt with Trevor’s hemophilia. She remembered various incidents, sitting with Trevor, holding his hand, and hearing him scream in pain, wiping his brow, clutching him tight. Their connection was strong…

She fought back the tears! Fought them back as she remembered seeing her beloved son on his knees. His knees! Bitter words, angry words. Over Todd’s past. That God-forsaken past. Oh, she loved her husband, yes. Accepted him. Understood. But, she couldn’t forget the fury in Trevor’s eyes. The hatred for Them. Them because they were both responsible. Todd for keeping quiet about the past; Téa for agreeing to the silence. Agreeing to keep his secrets.

She heard the door cracked open and looked up from the pictures on her desk. Found herself looking at the sad eyes of her husband as he stepped into the room. Old hurts in those eyes, old pain there. An ache immediately settled into her chest and she sighed.

“Téa?” Todd asked, hesitantly. She said nothing. He looked down once before returning his gaze to her, “Trevor’s here. We talked.”

She swallowed, the ache turning into an acute pain as her eyes became wet with unshed tears, “And?” she asked with even restraint, “Is he here to stay, Todd? Have we lost him?”

“You haven’t lost him, no, never.” Turning to the darkness outside the window, he added softly, “I don’t know about me – but that’s okay. I…uh…I can live with that.”

They were both quiet a moment, Téa biting her lip, knowing his hurt and self-condemnation. Todd broke their silence, turning back to her, “He wants to see you. That okay?”

“Yes…of course,” she said. For a few seconds, they searched each other’s faces for reminders of before, reminders that they still existed. Todd nodded at her, then stepped outside, his hand holding the door as he spoke to Trevor. Téa studied his ring, his hand. Thought about what those hands had done. Thought about how they had loved her, held their children; hurt people. An impossible mix. He was, an impossible mix. She closed her eyes and sighed heavily.

Taking one last glance at Téa, he walked out the door, Trevor coming in.

Téa looked at her son, her treasure, her precious gift given to her by Todd and wrapped her arms around herself.

Trevor took a step toward her, feeling a wave of emotion flood him, “Mom…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m not very proud of myself. In fact, I’m pretty sick to my stomach. Sick about a lot of things…actually.”

Téa swallowed and looked at her son. Tall. Handsome. Almost a man. She took a deep breath ran a hand through her hair.

“Oh Trevor, Mijo, I’m sorry – I’m sorry we kept so much from you. You don’t need to apologize to me – I love you. I understand what this…no…I can’t imagine what this must have done to you.”

He took another step forward, “Mom…don’t take away…I was out of line. I shouldn’t have blown up at you…like that. It was wrong – I was so angry…and I didn’t pay attention to what you told me…about listening…about asking…”

Tears welled up again in his mother’s eyes, knowing the truth about her husband, about the why. About the explanations.

“You asked,” she said.

“Yeah…I did,” said Trevor biting his lip and looking down. He noticed his shoes – his imperfect shoes. But somehow the broken piece of rubber didn’t matter anymore. He’d keep the shoes despite it, maybe even because of it. He paused before looking up and continuing, “He’s not a hero anymore, Mom. Not exactly. But, I know a little more, now. I’ll just have to learn to love him – in a different way…maybe…in a more real way. You know?”

Téa nodded slowly and said softly, “I know, mijo.”

“I love you Mom, an maybe I don’t tell you enough ‘cos you know it’s not cool to tell your parents that but I do and I’m sorry – so sorry I hurt you today,” cried Trevor. At that, he summoned up his courage and walked around his mother’s desk to put his arms around her, burying his head into her shoulder. He could feel her shaking body and then he felt his arms around him.

“Do you understand just how much you mean to me?” she asked holding him tight.

He looked up into her eyes, “Yeah, I do.”

They held each other a bit longer and finally Téa broke the embrace, relieved. Very relieved to have her son back.

“I need to see your father…” she said.

Trevor nodded his head.

Téa went to the door and opened it. Trevor followed her out. She paused in the doorway to the living room. Todd was sitting down on the couch, holding Taylor in his arms. Tyler sat across from them, watching them intently.

“Todd?” came her voice.

Todd immediately stood up and looked at her.

It was silent between them. He studied her – her posture, her face, her eyes…Tell me you still want me and need me…you still ACCEPT me…

She studied him – the way he looked at her, his body, drained, his lip trembling, his eyes so expressive, soulful…Yes, I still need you. I still want you. I ACCEPT you. I always have…

Slowly she walked to him, never breaking eye contact, not saying a word. Taylor and Tyler stood up and watched their parents talk to each silently, knowing that form of communication all too well.

Téa stopped in front of Todd and drew him into a comforting hug. He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face into her neck, “I love you Delgado,” he whispered.

**********************************************************************************************************

The next day,
Dinnertime…

Todd got up from the dinner table and went to answer the phone. Téa and the kids finished up their meal.

“Hey! It’s girls night to do the dishes!” exclaimed Tyler bringing his plate to the sink.

Todd hung up the phone. It was Briggs from the Sun.

“Mommy, will you watch Beauty and Beast with me again?” came Terri’s voice.

Todd walked to the doorway, pausing, watching his family fuss in the kitchen. Just watching.

“Sure Terri. AFTER you help Taylor with the dishes,” said Téa helping to clean up the table.

“C’Mon littlest Tee and help me put the dishes in the dishwasher,” said a busy Taylor cleaning plates.

Trevor politely got up and cleaned off his plate.

“Hey Trev – you wanna’ play that new video game I got with me?” said Tyler standing up.

Todd smiled. Just watching.

“I got homework Ty, sorry,” said Trevor. He walked up to his father who was blocking the doorway.

“What homework, T.D.?” asked Todd moving aside.

“Some poem…” muttered Trevor walking past his father.

Todd closed his eyes, the cracks in his family’s foundation momentarily filled, their spread, momentarily stopped. He knew his life would never be the same – that he would always have to face the choices he made. But, he was here. Alive. Loved. At least a little – at least enough to keep him here.

The busy sounds of his noisy family drifted around him and he smiled, opening his eyes to their beauty.

And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare As any she belied with false compare.

TO BE CONCLUDED…