There are some things that are just painful for me to do but I have to do them. For example, my sister, Terri, will beg me to take her to our brother’s, Tyler’s football game and I can’t tell her no but it’s painful for me to go and watch Tyler play football. He can do so many things I can’t because I have hemophilia and he doesn’t. Hemophilia is a bleeding disease. Certain enzymes in my blood are missing that allow my blood to clot. If I get a cut, and start bleeding, I can’t stop. I have to be given a specially made clotting factor that will enable my blood to clot. My mother has it as well, but she’s a carrier. My sister is like our mother, a carrier. Basically, they are unaffected. They have no bleeding problems, but they can pass it on to their children. Tyler and Terri didn’t inherit it. They were lucky.

I’m very envious of my brother. He’s two years younger than me but he looks two years older than me. He’s very athletic. He’s just as tall as me. He’s very handsome and he’s very popular. He’s rugged and very well built. He has my mother’s eyes and my father’s looks. Taylor, our sister is his fraternal twin. She’s on the school’s cheerleading squad.

Sometimes I just watch my brother and imagine it’s me who gets to experience life as he does. He really tries hard to be supportive - he’ll tell me about a football practice and what it’s like - but he waits for me ask him. I have to be “in the mood” to hear his adventures. Sometimes, I’m just so…into myself, I can’t listen. We do have some things in common - some things we like to do together - like collect sports cards. Mainly I collect football and baseball but Tyler goes all out and gets hockey and racing cards too. My father likes collecting cards as well but he collects older cards. The three of us could just hang out and collect cards all day.

My brother is very protective of me. He’s always there whenever I’m in trouble. I don’t know how he knows, he just knows. And sometimes that really bothers me. I don’t know why - it just does.

Anyway, Tyler is the quarterback of the J.V. football team. It was Friday night and the J.V. team always played their games on a Friday night. Tyler went to the stadium early for warm-up and Taylor went in to meet with the cheerleading squad and practice.

I made arrangements to meet my girlfriend, Amy Karaloties at the stadium’s gate. Terri and I showed up and found Amy waiting for us. Amy and I exchanged sly smiles. My parents would also come by to watch the game but they would arrive late.

“Hi Amy!” exclaimed by hyper sister, Terri.

“Hey Terri. Hi Trev,” said Amy smiling.

“Hi, ah…Amy…” I replied. Terri took Amy’s hand. Amy smiled at that. Occasionally, when my parents were last minute desperate for a babysitter, they would call Amy.

The three of us walked up to the ticket agent and I got our tickets. As we walked inside, Terri held my hand - and Amy’s as she walked between us. We walked into the stadium and got seats close to Llanview High’s home team.

The pregame activities were still going on. We were playing again Pine Valley High. Taylor was with her cheerleading squad working on their cheers. She looked up at us and waved.

Terri enthusaticially waved back while Amy just waved back. I just held up my hand.

“Biggest Tee…can we have some popcorn?” asked Terri batting her eyelashes at me. Unlike my father, I was aware of her tricks.

Amy laughed.

“Sure, littlest Tee. You stay here with Amy and behave,” I instructed standing up.

“O.k. Biggest Tee,” said Terri.

Just then, our older sister, Starr walked up. She never missed Tyler’s games.

“Hi guys. Dad and Téa will be here soon. They left the paper after me…” said Starr sitting down next to Amy. They exchanged awkward glances.

“Ah, Starr, this is my ah…friend, Amy Karaloties,” I said, “Amy, my sister, Starr Manning.”

“Hey Amy,” said Starr offering her hand.

“Hi Starr,” said Amy shaking Starr’s hand.

“Amy is Biggest Tee’s girlfriend…” giggled Terri.

My face lost it’s all it’s color.

“Don’t worry Amy. I’m Biggest Tee’s oldest, oldest, ancient sister…” said Starr lightly teasing Terri. It put Amy at ease.

“All right, I’m going to fetch the popcorn…” I said walking off highly embarrassed.

As I walked out off the stands and into the concession area I almost ran smack into my parents. My father put his hands on my shoulders.

“Whoa - Trev - slow down. What’s up?” asked my father. He was wearing a business suit. My mom stood next to him in a fall fashion sweater and slacks.

“I’m just going for popcorn Dad…” I muttered, “Starr’s here.”

“Good,” said my father smiling.

“How’s Terri?” asked my Mom, “Is she behaving?”

“Yeah. She’s with Starr and Amy. I gotta get her popcorn,” I said.

“Where are you guys sitting?” asked my father.

“On the Llanview High side…you’ll see Terri, Amy, and Starr…” I said.

“See you in a bit T.D.,” said my mother smiling.

“O.k. Mom,” I replied. They walked off.

I waited patiently in line and got Terri her popcorn. As I was walking out of the concession area, Brady Buchanan put his arm around my shoulder and forced me to walked through the locker room and onto the field where the football team was practicing. I tried to struggle to get out of his grasp but he was too strong and I didn’t want to hurt myself…just yet. Brady was Bo Buchanan’s son and on the varsity football team. We had never really gotten along and things were worse now between us since I started seeing Amy. Brady really liked Amy.

“Manning…” he whispered into my ear, “If you’re going to flaunt your girlfriend, Amy, in front of me…well…I deserve to flaunt you off…and show the good sports fans of Llanview that their star up and coming quarterback, Tyler Manning, has a wimp-ass brother…”

I saw red. I dropped the popcorn and tried to shove Brady away from me but he held me tight, “Let me go you jerk!” I said firmly.

Since we were on the field, I noticed people were looking at us with interest.

“Hey Tyler…I got your weak and wimpy brother!” yelled Brady. We were next to the player’s bench.

“Don’t do this!” I said struggling to get away from him. Brady had a firm, strong on my arm with his hand and I could feel his fingers digging into my flesh.

Tyler turned from throwing a football and looked at Brady and me. Tyler was in his full football get-up except his helmet was off. He broke from warm-ups and trotted up to us. I glanced up into the stands. Amy and my mother looked worried. My father looked furious. I saw Brady’s father and he looked pretty furious too. He bolted out of his seat as did my father.

Tyler sneered at Brady as he approached us. Tyler was two years younger than Brady but just as tall.

“Let go of my brother now!” demanded Tyler face to face with Brady. Tyler and I exchanged frustrated glances. It bothered to me to no end right now that I couldn’t defend myself against Brady - my mother was intently watching and I promised her I wouldn’t intentionally harm myself again.

Taylor broke from cheerleading practice and drew close. I noticed Tyler’s football coach from across the field start to trot over.

“And what are you going to do about it?” asked Brady.

Tyler grabbed Brady by his lapels, “Why don’t you pick on someone who can fight you back!” said Tyler firmly pushing Brady away.

Brady let go of my arm but it still bothered me to no end to have Tyler fighting my battles. I stood next to Brady and grabbed him getting in his face, “Leave me and my brother alone!” I yelled.

“Trevor!” I heard my mother cry.

Brady raised his hand to me.

Tyler raised his.

“Screw you Manning!” yelled Brady.

Tyler swung.

Brady ducked.

Tyler’s fist connected with my jaw.

I shot blood out of my mouth as my body spun around and I collapsed onto the turf.

“Madre Dios!” yelled my brother falling to my side, “What have I done?” Immediately, Taylor knelt beside Tyler.

My jaw ached and I looked up into my brother’s eyes through my pain and tears, “You pack a good wallop Tyler,” I muttered.

“That’s not funny right now…” said Taylor. Blood trickled out my mouth onto her outfit.

The coach grabbed Brady. His father took him aside. My parents were by my side.

“Oh God! Oh Trevor!” whispered my mother as the blood continued to trickle down my chin and onto Taylor’s outfit as she held my head in her lap. My brother would lightly touch me and pull away, confused and scared…

“Dad! I didn’t mean it! Madre Dios! I didn’t mean it!” yelled my brother. I noticed his eyes pleading with my mother’s but her forgiveness was all ready given.

My father stood me up and helped to balance me. Taylor was also next to me.

“Téa take him to the hospital. I’ll stay here with Tyler…” instructed my father. Once again, I had let my parents down.

“Todd, you’re not coming…?” questioned my mother.

“No Téa…” said my father.

My mother shot him a look that would freeze water.

“Mom, we need to go…” said Taylor.

My father turned to Tyler, “Compose yourself. It’s not your fault. You’ve got a game to play…”

I could feel myself getting weak and dizzy from the pain as my mother and Taylor walked me out. I turned around to look at my father. He held my brother in his arms. My brother was clearly upset.

**********************************************************************************************************

Llanview General…

I woke up noticing it was late. I was in the hospital with two IV’s in my arm. One was to administer the clotting factor which would stop my bleeding. The other was to keep me hydrated. My jaw ached from where Tyler stuck me. I knew my parents must have been concerned. This was the second time in a month I had been admitted.

I let out a breath. Hospitals are a part of my life. Over the years I’ve been admitted for various episodes. I’ve developed a high tolerance for physical pain but somehow I get the impression everytime I’m admitted, a little piece of my mother’s heart breaks.

Only two people can provide the blood from which my clotting factor can be derived. My father and Tyler. My family is bonded not only emotionally but physically as well.

Finally, I began to hear the heated discussion that my parents were having outside my room. My parents are both very passionate people. They are full of fire and vigor. They love each other very much. Taylor once described their love as dangerous - and maybe it is - in a way that she doesn’t understand. It pained me to think they were fighting over what had occurred.

“The Buchanan boy did it because he was pissed at Trevor. Trevor’s with the girl he wants…” came my father’s loud, exasperated voice.

“I don’t care why Brady did it Todd!” replied my mother, “I’m upset because you stayed at that stupid football game!”

“Well Téa, our son, TYLER needed a parent to be there for him!” shot back my father.

“So you stayed. What if Trevor bled to death? You’d be at a stupid football game watching our son TYLER win the game?” yelled back my mother.

“That’s not fair. You have two sons - one with hemophilia and one without - just because Tyler doesn’t have it doesn’t mean you can ignore him or withhold your love from him!” said my father loudly.

“What are you saying? That I don’t love Tyler?” shot back my mother. Her voice cracked and I could tell she was hurt by my father’s accusation.

I couldn’t listen to them anymore. I pulled the IV’s out of my arm and struggled to my feet.

“That’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is while you were here holding Trevor’s hand, Tyler was beside himself with grief over what he did and he needed a parent to be there for him…”

I flung open the door and braced myself on the doorframe.

“Stop it! Just stop it!” I yelled.

My mother and father looked at me in horror.

“Trevor!” said my father coming to my side. A nurse came running down the hall and she assisted my father into getting me back into bed. Then she re-hooked my IV’s and took my vitals. Both my parents looked ashamed over their actions - and their words. My mother clung to my father and when the nurse left she communicated her remorse.

“Todd, Trevor, I apologize. I was out of line,” she began looking at me, “I worry about you so.”

I just nodded my head in acknowledgment.

“Todd, I’m sorry. You were right. Tyler needed you…” she whispered.

My father looked intently at her and rubbed her arm with his hand, “I understand…” he whispered back.

*********************************************************************************************************

After that exchange, I drifted off to sleep and remained in a state semi-consciousness. I remember having visitors from my parents to Terri, Taylor, and Starr to Amy. The last visitor I remembered having was Tyler.

I had a vision that Tyler sat in a chair next to my bed, his head hung low and his hands crossed. His bangs flopped down into his worried eyes.

“Trev? Bro?” I heard him whisper.

“Are you up?” he paused. I think I nodded my head.

“Doesn’t matter. We lost today. Coach pulled me after the first quarter. I got intercepted twice. My head wasn’t in the game. All I could think about…see in my mind…was the blood flying out of your mouth. I never wanted to hurt you.” He paused.

“Brady makes me so mad you know. It really upsets me…the way he treats you…bullies you…and I promised Dad - I have him my WORD I would always look out for you. And I want to do it - you know. For Dad. I don’t want to ever let him down. I’m not saying you aren’t strong - you are - you take the pain - you live with it every day…” Tyler drowned off.

“I’ve never been afraid to hit someone and sometimes I don’t understand it. I get to angry and mad - it’s so hard to control. I’ve always been fearless - but after today Trevor - I know what it’s like to be afraid. I understand why it’s important to be so in control. I swear to you Trev - I will never hurt you again,” said Tyler passionately.

I heard him get up and through my drowsy eyes I saw him run his hands through his hair. Hair like my father’s.

“Trev? You up?” he asked.

I nodded my head and drifted off back to sleep.